Shadow boxing

‘So which country does Norbert want to practice his shadow boxing in? Maybe Malaysia, which is parliamentary, and where I understand, he is taken seriously.’

OUTGOING defense secretary Norberto Gonzales will put up an opposition structure to monitor and fiscalize the incoming administration of Benigno S. Aquino III. Not an "old soldier" to fade away, Gonzales will even form a "shadow cabinet", and his first prospective member is Delfin Bangit, the former AFP chief of staff. Gonzales floated this a month ago or so, and proudly said he wanted his predecessor, Gilbert Teodoro, who ran and lost in the last presidential elections, to join him in his new role. Wisely as usual, Gilbert declined in short shrift manner.

A "shadow cabinet" is a practice in parliamentary traditions where the interim government could fall once a vote of "no-confidence" is reached in Parliament. Thus, the opposition party head names possible stand-ins among his own members of parliament so that they could immediately substitute for the current ministers appointed by the incumbent prime minister. No paralysis or even extended hiatus in government leadership happens even if the present leadership falls. Hence, when Italy was experiencing revolving door governments, a cabinet was ready from the opposition ranks to take over the fallen and take charge as the new.

But that is a parliamentary system. Governments could fall at any time. Ours is a presidential system, with a fixed term for the nationally-elected president who is removable only through tedious impeachment or death. And a constitutional successor, himself duly elected, is in place. So which country does Norbert want to practice his shadow boxing in? Maybe Malaysia, which is parliamentary, and where I understand, he is taken seriously. Unless, Norbert is thinking of foisting mayhem upon our polity.

He and his incarnation of Don Quixote, that Jesuit Archie Intengan, have been conjuring plots and sub-plots ever since their Doña Gloria resurrected them in the national nightmare that was her regime. And Norbert as Sancho Panza likely dreads the moment, five days distant, when curtains will fall on their impossible dream. What will he do by July 1? Go back to Sabah or Sarawak perhaps, and do teach-ins there? There are plenty of wild bananas in their yet verdant farms and forests. Sweeter than the Dole variety that clutters our supermarket shelves and which I refuse to see on my kitchen table. Was it a Dole that Norbert pulled out of his satchel when the Senate was questioning him on the Venable contract, when his blood pressure shot up? Gonzales could also take a sabbatical leave to pursue further learning at the University of Salamanca, Don Quixote’s favorite. How do Norbert de la Panza and his Archie del Quixote make themselves "relevant" in the politics of this benighted land?

That’s why Norbert makes his pitch for a possible re-run, in his wildest dreams.

Of course he disclaims plans of being president. Remember if you will, that last year, he made the rounds of whoever cared to listen, telling him that there was need for a revolutionary transition government. He called on bishops even, peddling his scenario, but said it was his Doña, because of the commander-in-chief provisions in the Constitution, who should head the revolutionary council. He. he. he, the bishops told him off.

And so, since Norbert the shadow leader has not publicly declared his aversion for unsolicited advice, this space will suggest a "new" cast of characters for his shadow cabinet.. Tap Butch Pichay. Joc-Joc Bolante. Between the two of them, there’s enough turf to quarrel over in plundering agriculture and despoiling natural resources. Garcillano for Department of Finance. If there’s no money, he will produce, just like when he produced an instant "million" votes for their Doña in 2004. This time, Norbert can tell the public that if he becomes "president", his shadow boxer for finance is a creative genius like Garci. Maski walang boto, gagawa. Kapag walang pera ang kaban ng bayan, mag-iimprenta. Can you beat that quick fix? Maybe Madam Auring for Neda, NCSO, NSO all combined. Bakit pa kailangan ng "statistics"? Who cares about growth rates which his Doña keeps trumpeting about. Bolang kristal lang ‘yan!

For MMDA, why Ely Velez Pamatong is ideal for Norbert’s shadow cabinet. He will solve the traffic woes of the metropolis no sooner than you could think. All he needs to do is get his storm troopers to throw huge and sharp nails at Edsa’s pavement today, and Ayala Avenue tomorrow. After a week, wala nang maglalabas ng kotse. E ‘di solved ang trapik!

Secretary of Justice? E di si Oliver Lozano, sino pa nga ba?

Foreign Affairs? Eto, batang-bata compared to Bert Romulo, and just as well-travelled. She has after all been with their Doña Gloria in most every foreign peregrination, and knows the best Syrian chocolates other than Patchi. Medy Poblador, with the blessings of her "Tito" Cardinal Gaudencio Rosales. O, di ba, galing?

And you need not think any longer about who the shadow executive secretary will be. No less than Father Intengan, naturally. Brains, eminence gris, jesuitic pa! Can you beat that?

"Quete…un imposible reve" (To dream, the impossible dream…), hums Norbert. Curtains are falling on his Filipinas de La Mancha. So dream on.

(banayo_at@yahoo.com)

LITO BANAYO

MALAYA Column for Friday, 25 June 2010